By: Kira M.
Everyone loves horoscopes! They have TONS of COMPLETELY, 100% SCIENTIFIC evidence! (cough, cough, or maybe not) I’m sure you want to know what tomorrow will be like, but anyway… here you go!
- You will go sky diving!
- The best advice for you is to quit your job and become a horoscope writer.
- Don’t listen to fortune cookies, they are ALWAYS lying.
- You will go on a safari!
- The best advice for you is to join the circus. You’re probably a freak.
- If you touch that Ouiji board one more time, I’m sending you to Antarctica. Don’t even THINK about it.
- You will buy some pants!
- The best advice for you is to build a bridge and get over it.
- Shocker- the tooth fairy isn’t real. Just kidding, it’s the Rock.
- You will go to Spain!
- The best advice for you is to get an interesting pet that might kill you when it gets older.
- Did you know that if you wish on a shooting star, the opposite thing you wished comes true?
- You won’t find a significant other.
- The best advice for you is to go to a club and order a turkey club. #Punny
- Proms are a waste of time
- You will buy a Halloween Costume!
- The best advice for you is to stop eating orange food.
- Dum Dums make you smart and smarties make you average.
- You will go mining!
- The best advice for you is to move to Argentina.
- Chocolate Diamonds are totally in right now!
- You will get arrested!
- The best advice for you is to give a police officer a get out of jail free card (and film it)
- Violets aren’t even blue. MIND=BLOWN
- You will almost die but not die!
- The best advice for you is to annoy a lifeguard.
- Hipsters don’t own sticker books anymore. They’re too mainstream.
- You will get misdiagnosed with Cancer!
- The best advice for you is to lay in the sand and see how long it takes to get sunburned.
- Get rid of your magic 8 ball or else
- You will get stung by a wasp while climbing in a Willow Tree!
- The best advice for you is to sneak food into a Movie Theater.
- Your mom is in the Illuminati
- You will find a dead animal on the street!
- The best advice to you is to listen to music you don’t like.
- Maybe 1 out of 10 people know an anti-legos activist. Or maybe not.
If you took this seriously, there is a 10/10 chance you don’t understand life.